'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...

The Kline's are still here! Some of you may have been looking for an updated blog so here it is! We completed our third round of possible IUI fertilization just over a month ago. We found out on April 24th that, once again, our test was negative. Steven was still gone overseas when I received the news, and honestly there was nothing more I'd rather surprise him with at his homecoming than positive baby news... but that would have to wait this go around. My heart was broken, but I kept telling myself that maybe God wanted him home with me for the next round instead.
  The two week wait went by with much more patience and sense of calmness this round, and I am so thankful for such peace. I was fortunate enough to spend some days with friends with my toes in the sand and some quality time with family over the two week wait. Each round of fertility gets more difficult mentally & emotionally especially with Steven not here. I want to thank those of you that have flooded my inbox with messages/texts of support, prayers, and words of encouragement. There will never be enough words to express my gratitude....my prayer warriors... thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Many of you have said things such as, "You are so strong though this process" and "I don't know how you do it." The truth is that I am not always strong at times. I could sit here and blog about how my faith has never faltered or how I keep on smiling and "keeping the faith." The truth is that I am not always strong. If we were always strong then we would never experience trial & triumph. Trial... I have definitely experienced trail throughout this journey. Ask this to my closest friends that have had to listen to me cry over the phone for what seems like hours or my sister who has watched as tears form in my eyes when mentioning a baby. Part of the reason I blog is to express my feelings whether it be positive OR negative. This last round resulting in negative news was much more difficult than the others. No one tells you that when you start this process your heart is full of hope and desire, and as the process continues each time there is a hand full of that hope that is torn from your heart. It is very hard to patch the pieces back together. It does happen- it just takes time and patience in knowing that Jesus is in complete control. There also comes a point when you have to accept that you literally have zero control over the situation, and the outcome in which you so desperately want to have a part in seems so far out of reach. Each time you have to prepare yourself for negative results... so it makes it very difficult to stay positive through such a process.

I wanted to share a couple songs that have helped me throughout the past several months. One song contains lyrics that we have all heard before, but have we "truly" listened and heard the actual words? I have heard this particular song so many times even as child growing up, but never have I truly "heard" the words until just recently. And I am so thankful that I am hearing them now.

"Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus" by Casting Crowns

http://youtu.be/-DdgkvnsHjM

The other is a newer song that I have completely fallen in love with. It is on a constant repeat in my car everyday... a constant reminder that I am not alone despite how I feel sometimes. If you haven't had a moment of clarity and peace today please take a moment and listen.

"I Am Not Alone" by Kari Jobe

http://youtu.be/_wrzvZ04k1A


Round 4: Steven's Home

Steven and I are in the process of round 4 of possible IUI fertilization. So far this round is going much better than the last rounds... showing some potentially great follicle growth so we will keep you updated. Since Steven has been home everything has been different.... just my strength and faith in general. One doctor's visit in particular I was feeling very down and out. Steven asked if we could pray before entering the fertility center (something we always do together before going in). I said, "yes... but I didn't have a lot to say." I remember him looking at me knowing that I was just broken inside. He took my hand and prayed a prayer that reminded me of God's grace and unfailing faith in us. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am that he is home. I feel like such a stronger person with him by my side... even if it is just a visit for them to take my blood. Finally complete again.

Please continue to pray for us as we await doctor's visits/tests/results for round 4. Pray for patience. Pray for an understanding that God is in complete control. Pray that Steven and I trust that God has a point to this crazy journey that he & I are on. Thank you for your love for us throughout our journey.