1,359 days...

1,359 days

That is the number of days Steven and I have been married. It is the number of days we have prayed unfailingly for a baby. It is also the number of days you have joined us in prayer. And it is the number of days that I have dreamed of writing this particular blog.

"He has made everything beautiful in His time."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

After we lost our precious baby back in December we took time to heal... to grieve for the miracle that we never got to meet. Steven deployed, and I went home to be with family. I did not talk about babies nor did I want to think about trying again.

Months past... my sister began to heal from her surgery/battle against breast cancer, and each day she was learning to live with the scars of such a horrific disease that takes a piece of your body. I watched her become one of the strongest people I will ever know in those weeks/months. I am going to share a personal moment (one that I hope she will be okay with me sharing), but there was one particular moment during those weeks that I was home that was a turning point for me. It was just days after surgery- I was helping Meg shower. We removed her bandages, and at this point she could not see what waited for her beneath. I did. I never cried- I refused. But the inside of me broke in half as if two of God's strongest storms were ripping my heart apart. I will never forget the seconds/minutes that came after that- she stepped out of that shower and was preparing to look in the mirror. She looked at me and said, "hand me my glasses." My first thought was... "no." But I did as she asked and I watched my incredibly brave and beautiful sister look in the mirror for the first time. I could see the hurt in her eyes, but in that moment I became a braver and stronger person because of my sister. She never shed a tear, but she did look at me and say, "Okay.... I got this. I can do this."

Meg, you will never know what it has meant to me to watch you go through this journey. You (just as all of my siblings) have been my strong side. You all have been the ones I look up to in this life. That day when you stepped out of that shower and looked in the mirror... I want you to know that it was a day that I will never forget because of your strength, your bravery, and how amazingly beautiful you were. When I saw your face and the courage displayed I no longer saw your scars.

During the days after we found out that my brother-in-law (Meg's husband) was also diagnosed with cancer- colorectal cancer. Stage 3. What are the odds right? Our family was in complete shock, and trust me when I say we all had questions. We just couldn't believe that cancer had struck not once but twice. But... they wasted no time. That's the thing about cancer- you don't really have time to waste. Needless to say, our family had undergone (and is still undergoing) some serious heartache. But what we all have experienced in the past several months is the outpouring love from Jesus, the people around us, people we don't know, and even people from states away. And most importantly, God is not surprised at all. He has known all along Meg & Blayne would face this battle together. I have witnessed the Lord at work in more ways than I could have ever imagined. 

You see... we have all at one point or another gone through something tragic, an uphill battle, a storm with no calm in sight, and some even have the scars to prove it. But at the end of the day we pick ourselves up, move forward, and keep fighting. Sometimes it takes seeing others do this before your heart is ready to follow. That is what it took for me. 

It was Meg who said to me... "Tess, you will try again. You have to. Our family needs something good right now." How do I say no to that? No pressure! Haha. But just as I was hearing her say those words I felt them as well. I knew it was time to try again. I had just watched my sister go through more heartache than I had ever imagined... and I knew in my heart that I would not give up. We would not give up. No matter the outcome of another transfer... I would keep trying until all of our embryos were gone. Deep in my heart I just knew that the Lord was at work already.

Steven and I did not have a huge window as he was only home from the end of March to the month of May. He was leaving again at the end of May for training in Oklahoma. So we came back to Charleston, and I began the process to prepare my body for a third frozen embryo transfer. Lets just say that I did NOT miss all of the drugs, needles, self injections, etc. But I told myself at the end of the day that whatever came from it I would love the Lord all the same.

We did our single embryo transfer on Friday, May 6th just two days before Mother's Day. A week and a half later we did a blood test. It was positive. To be quite honest with you... there were no leaps for joy or surprise packages when Steven got home. I very quietly told him that the pups were going to be "big brothers and big sister" and we basically just went about our night. We had gotten positives before so we stayed very cautious in how we celebrated. We were grateful...thankful.

In the weeks after we had to tell my family fairly early as I would be living with them. They would have to know why I'd be traveling back to my specialist here in Charleston. I "graduated" from our specialist Dr. Schnoor at Coastal Fertility at 10 weeks, and that moment will forever be close to my heart. I believe without a doubt that the Lord chose those doctors and nurses to help Steven and I get to this point of gratefulness and happiness. The men and women who work beyond those walls truly are humans with the amazing ability of God-given talents. We are so thankful to have been under your care. And we are also so thankful that we have six remaining frozen embryos still under your care.

My first trimester was not the best, but there was not going to be one day that I complained. For the first 10 weeks I was still on all the drugs so I pretty much felt miserable. Once I was able to stop the extra medicines I did feel somewhat better. I wake up every day and pray that I will feel the same... probably not what the average prego person wishes for huh? But that moment I wake up and feel amazing I will automatically think that something is wrong. So... give me the nausea, tiredness, and overall crap feeling every single day. It reminds me that I am carrying an amazing little miracle.

We did the genetic testing at 10 weeks (which also now tells you the gender) so we knew pretty early whether baby Kline was a little girl or little boy. Steven got to come home for the 4th of July weekend, and I so happen to get a voicemail that Friday from the doctor with our results! I waited a whole 24 hours just so Daddy could listen with me! That little red notification almost made me go completely insane! But that moment when both of us heard what our little miracle was.... there are just no words to describe how happy we were (we took a video of this moment and included it in our big video below). We decided to do a gender reveal party for our families... that little party took place earlier tonight. So it was a whole month of keeping the secret! I am 16 weeks tomorrow! And the look on all of their faces was just priceless. 

We slowly began to tell family/close friends as we saw them in person. We have put together a video of some of those announcements and a bit about our journey along the way. We hope you enjoy it just as much as we have. You may have to pause it here & there to read some of the captions as 5 seconds was the most I could put on each slide. 

CLICK HERE TO VIEW OUR VIDEO

There are no gestures of thankfulness big enough to share with you to make you realize how grateful Steven and I are for your prayers over the years. We ask that you continue to pray for this little miracle of ours. Pray for her by name. Olivia June Kline is a miracle, and we love her so much already. I know people say that time will fly by, but for me January is ages away. Our family knows all too well that in any pregnancy things can change in an instant. I pray every day that God brings Livie June into this world for all of us to see.... for this Mommy & Daddy to actually hold her and kiss her cheeks. Just typing that... the joy I feel when I think about holding her for the first time. Steven and I have prayed for this moment for nearly four years. Now it is here. We want you to know that Livie June is not here by chance. She is not here because of one doctor or nurse. This little girl is here because we serve a living and mighty God. Though there were times that I let my heart down the Lord never left me. He never left us. He knew all along when Olivia would be created (sometimes I just wish He could've given us a heads up)!

Olivia is a name Steven and I have prayed about for years. We have both loved it for years. And we wanted a "old" name for her middle name. I love traditional names, and it was her Daddy who came up with June. It just sounds southern to us, and we fell in love with it (and I'd be lying if I didn't love it because of June Carter Cash herself). 

In the days ahead please pray for us. Pray for my heart to not worry. Pray for a peace to come over us. Pray for Livie June. I encourage you to pray for those that do not share our happiness today. There are thousands of mommies and daddies that are still fighting for their little miracle. There are so many families I know that have experienced such great loss- I know their pain, and I don't wish it upon my worst enemy. Pray for the families that walked in and out of the doors of our fertility clinic that are still waiting. Four years... that is how long we have prayed for this moment. Four years pales in comparison to others. If you know someone going through infertility PLEASE pray for them. Pray for their hearts, their marriage, their finances, pray for every aspect of their life because it truly touches everything. And if you are in a place where God is leading you to give to that family GIVE! Steven and I have been fortunate enough that people we love have given and we have saved A LOT, but not every family can afford infertility. So if you know someone going through this journey OR a family adopting (adoption is just as expensive- sometimes more) and you can give then please follow your heart and do so.

*Over 100 doctor's visits

*Countless self injections and medications

*4 failed IUI cycles

*2 IVF egg retrievals

*3 failed embryo transfers

*Babies that we never met but will meet in Heaven

*Nearly $30,000 out of our own pocket

*1,359 days of prayer

And nearly 4 years later... our little GIRL 

Olivia June Kline will be arriving in January!

We love you all, and we will forever be grateful for your comments, messages, phone calls, gifts, etc. over the years. Every single thought, prayer, message has been felt. Don't worry... the blog isn't going anywhere. Hopefully, I will have plenty to update in the upcoming months as we continue "our road to becoming mommy and daddy..." The Lord is not finished with us yet.

"Magnify the Lord with me. Come exalt His name together. Glorify the Lord with me. Come exalt His name forever. O Taste and see that the Lord is good. O blessed is he who hides in Him. O fear the Lord. O all you saints. He'll give you everything. He'll give you everything."

Taste and See - Shane + Shane