Two Bittersweet Days.

Two bittersweet days.

It's taken me a while to write this particular blog. I guess after Father's Day I thought it was time. Mother's Day and Father's Day are set aside to celebrate the ones who brought us into the world, the ones who raised us, or the ones who have been like mothers and fathers to us. And what a precious day it is! I look at my own mother and father and thank God every day for them. Not only did they raise me, but they taught me to be strong willed, brave, and most importantly they taught me the love of Christ. They taught me what marriage should look like, and words cannot describe how grateful I am for that now. They taught me that no matter the arguments, fights, or amount of objects you can throw at your sisters (Brooke) that at the end day the love of family was all that mattered. I can only hope and pray that God gives me the strength and wisdom to be the parents one day that my Momma and Daddy have been to me... To us all.

Mother's Day has always been a day that we tell our Momma how thankful we are for her putting up with us crazy kids all these years (although we should let her know more often). But this Mother's Day was quite different for me than others in the past. It was a day (like many others) I spent praying for my heart's desire to be a mother myself. I sat in church and listened to those around me pray for the mothers, mothers who have gone on to be with Jesus, grandmothers, aunts who are like mothers... Then Amen... But not me. My prayer wasn't finished. As the preacher went on with the sermon I silently continued to pray. I prayed for the mothers with broken hearts who have lost their babies. I prayed for the women who have gone through failed IUI after failed IUI attempts. I prayed for the women who have lost their hope after hearing the words, "I'm sorry. It was negative." I prayed for the women who waited for the man God had set aside for them and having it been too late for them to conceive a child. I prayed for myself... That one day God will provide me with a baby whether he/she is from my own body or it be that Steven and I provide a life for a little one who would never know one otherwise.

If you are a mother and you're reading this blog and you take nothing away from it- please take this. Never take Mother's Day for granted or any other day for that matter. It's a day to be thankful. If you had your babies with you or whether you heard from them by phone or even if you received a card by mail your Mother's Day was a blessing. You should have had no other words, worries, or thoughts other than "thankful"...Always remember that there are those around you that may not have been as fortunate whether their baby has gone on to be with Jesus or whether they will never know the feeling of a Mother's heart. It's easy to get caught up in the world's worries around us, the little things that can come into your life and quickly tear it apart, but at the end of the day may we always, always count our many blessings.

Father's Day was also very different for me this year. Although, I spent it praising my daddy for putting up with a hellion like me (even though I get it all from him) I couldn't help but think of Steven. He usually reads these blogs before I post, but this time he'll be reading it for the first time with all of you.

Steven,

If there is one thing I want greater than being a mommy it's you...being able to be a daddy. The thought alone brings tears to my eyes. I want you to know that one day when God does bless us with a baby that you are going to be the best Daddy a little boy or girl could ask for. We joke about how we hope our children get your "smarts" but my athletic ability... But in all reality I pray that he/she is just like you (well...still...maybe a little more of my athletic ability). I know when we talk about our childhood and go down "memory lane" that some of your memories are quite different than mine. You may not have always seen the example of what a marriage should be, but you sure have shown me quite the opposite. Just in the past year and a half of our marriage I've seen you change. Our marriage has been through many trials and triumphs, and we've only become stronger together by the grace of God. We have prayed more together than I'd ever imagined, and I've seen Jesus do amazing things in our marriage. It hasn't always been easy, especially with you being gone so much, but I have watched God work in our hearts to bring us closer together, and I've never been more thankful to call Him my King. I say all of this to tell you that I know you will be an amazing Daddy one day. I know this because you've been an amazing husband. I close my eyes and picture you with our little boy... playing airplanes and teaching him to say, "Roll Tide!" I see you with our little girl... playing prince and princess and telling her that she can't date until she's 30. It makes me smile, and it warms my heart to dream about. 

Should we be blessed with a child, I cannot wait to show him/her what marriage should be and the way that God desired it to be. I'm so thankful that God chose you for me to share life with...And should we not be blessed with a child please know that I will love you all the days of my life...fore that in itself is enough for me. 

I leave you all with this quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. It is and has been one of my most favorite descriptions of what marriage should be... and it is my prayer every single day. 

"Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically; it is mainly about displaying the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. Knowing Christ is more important than making a living. Treasuring Christ is more important than bearing children. Being united to Christ by faith is a greater source of marital success than perfect sex and double-income prosperity.

If we make secondary things primary, they cease to be secondary and become idolatrous. They have their place. But they are not first, and they are not guaranteed. . . . So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short. It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way. Every one of them will be, not an obstacle to success, but a way to succeed. The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it."

"The Momentary Marriage," Dietrich Bonhoeffer - "Letters From Prison"